What Donna Summer Taught Me at 35,000 Feet

Between being somewhere over the Atlantic, between gigs, being a mum, a supportive partner, and a woman who’s still wildly passionate about her career. It’s not always polished..

The Things We Carry (On Planes, In Hearts, In Life)

On the flight home I hit a wall. One of those journeys where the thought of opening my laptop made me feel sick. I was all worked out. Burnt out I guess. So I gave in. I decided to watch something good instead.

I always find the best shows or films when I’m flying. Who knows why. Maybe it’s because my phone isn’t buzzing. It’s just me and the screen. Nothing else to do. I had a real craving for a documentary and ended up watching Love to Love You, the Donna Summer story. I’d recently heard her daughter on a podcast talking about her mum’s incredible career. Now she’s a singer herself, in a band with her husband called JohnnySwim, running a business, raising two kids. But she said something that stuck with me…

There’s this moment in the documentary where Donna’s just had her first child, Mimi. But she’s desperate to pursue her career. And of course she can. She’s Donna Summer and if their was a crystal ball she could see this would pay off for her to start the resolution of disco and house music having the way of where house music sits today... Watching that moment on the plane I felt this huge rush of emotion. That’s exactly how I feel. Having a child hasn’t dulled my passion, it’s only made it burn brighter. Maybe it’s wanting to show my son he can be anything he wants to be. Maybe it’s just wanting to give him the happiest life possible. A happy mum is a happy home, right?

But then two minutes later the documentary cuts to Donna making the choice to leave her daughter with her parents so she can return to New York and focus on her career.

No judgment. It was the late 60s. Different time. Hippy era and all that.

But then later in life Donna Summer when reaching her goals became a totally different mother as that cup was field….

When you're a singer and you're looking to become so successful, it's the moments of success, singing the Oscar-winning song and having that moment, winning Grammies and all that, but after you get those things, you're sorta sitting there in the room and you're thinking, "OK, what next?". When actors say they got the Oscar and then they didn't get [a] job for five years . . . it feels like internally, and it's like, "Oh, OK, is that all there is?" and so I think you just have to keep setting new goals for yourself. For me, after I had success on that level, my next goals were personal, they were my family, go on it's time now, "You've done this, you've proven this, let's get on with your real-life". - DONNA SUMMER

But right now I know I couldn’t do that. Not leave. Not step back like that. Not miss the day-to-day. He’s my lifeline. I couldn’t enjoy any sort of success if he wasn’t in the picture. My passion now is showing him that his mum can work her arse off, love what she does, and still be there. Really be there. Does that make a bad musician not 100% focused..why do we have to be 100% of one thing..weather your a full time mum, a full time entrepenuer, a full time….well you get the point -

WHERE IS THE BALANCE?

Case in point: I’m currently flying back from Cabo, on an 18-hour journey, only to turn around in 72 hours and head to Miami. Why? Because I want to be in my baby’s arms. These moments are so precious. He’s only little for such a short time.

And I’m really lucky. My agency understands that. They get the balance I’m trying to create.

That’s probably why I sacrifice the sleep and still manage to stand on stage for four hours, mixing live, hyping a crowd, keeping that energy high. One thing that’s honestly changed the game for me is my Oura ring. This isn’t an ad but my god it’s helped with my anxiety. Just knowing how much I’ve slept and what my body needs gives me so much peace. It helps me keep going. It’s why I can do what I do without running on empty.

I always knew I’d come into my own as a toddler mum. I really struggled with the newborn stage. Sometimes I look back and wish I’d just relaxed into it more. But if I had a newborn tomorrow, I’d probably be the same. I’m not the type to sit for hours and watch the world go by. I like to get shit done. And I feel grateful every day that I get to do the job I do. So many people told me I couldn’t keep this career and have a family.

But we’ve proved them wrong.

And I couldn’t do it alone. It’s taken a village. We’ve built a really solid network of support now, but for Rokit’s first year we didn’t have that. And my tax return still said it was one of my best years for work. So how did we do it?

Barney.

Barnaby Arthur Banks. A little bit younger than me, completely childlike sometimes, and then somehow the only adult in the house. He’s daft and funny and at times utterly annoying. And he is without a doubt the best thing that’s ever happened to me.

We work in similar ways. Our jobs require loads of prep but are full of last-minute madness. It weirdly fits. Like yesterday, my dad came over and Barney took Rokit to the beach. He did breakfast, lunch, dinner. Meanwhile I was in the studio working on the computer all day. And I just thought wow. He really is the most supportive partner. Especially when he doesn’t have much work on. When he does, I step in. We just swap roles. No resentment. No tally chart. Just understanding of what each other needs that day.

It changes all the time. And that’s okay.

Sometimes I look back at the so-called love stories I used to live through. The stuff I put up with. And occasionally I get this little wave of doubt. Like, am I now his version of “the things I put up with”? Because he really does help me so much. And I can get so consumed with work that when I finally look up for air, he’s just there. Calm. Holding it all down. And it’s honestly the sexiest thing in the world.

Thank god I chose you. Thank god I said yes.

Here’s to forever. Here’s to growing through every season that’s thrown at us. Here’s to laughing through the madness and building something real. Through the flights, the nappies, the deadlines, the DJ sets, the beach days, the long nights, and the quick turnarounds.

It’s safe to say I think we’re crushing it.